On Fortune Telling

I have a little confession to make.  A fortune teller is partially responsible for my relationship.    

 I find magic, aka sorcery or wizardry, thrilling as are customs related to the auspicious and inauspicious and fortune telling.  The quirky things people do to learn or attempt to adjust their fate, whether done in earnest or for entertainment purposes only, are fascinating to me.  I hold an entire Masters degree focusing on possession, auspiciousness, Tantric ritual, and magic to prove it.

 So for anyone with an interest in such things, East Asia is a little goldmine in terms of the fate determination business.  When I went to visit my sister in Hong Kong in December, I revelled in meandering past the booths upon booths of ‘fortune tellers’ located beside or below major temple complexes in the city. 

Korea has fewer temple + fortune telling combos although of course the country is not lacking in rituals relating to wellbeing and fate.  However, if you want to get your fortune told in Seoul, you are more likely to get a more comprehensive reading going to the many ‘saju tents,’ ‘saju cafes,’ or personal residences of the divinationally inclined.

 

I should also say that the word ‘fortune teller’ is a bit problematic within the Korean context as many people do not consider the various forms available here to be any kind of magic or divination.  There is actually a wide breadth of fortune telling options ranging from possession induced messages from shamans to fate determination based on the Chinese zodiac.  Proponents of the later argue it is a scientific method of figuring out destiny (saju – life, gunghap – marriage, etc) because it is supposedly based on thousands of years of lists recording people’s births and their corresponding fates.

 

When I was working with business people teaching conversational English, we were supposed to take our students out for coffee or drinks on the last day of class, but my one group of students decided to take me to a ‘saju café’ one month.  One student was a student in Chinese philosophy, so he wanted to practice his translation skills.  There is nothing more bizarre than having seven (mostly male) students translating your love fortune in a smoky café.

 

Saju is based on the ‘four pillars’ or four factors in your birth (day, month, year, time).  Each pillar is connected to an animal in the Chinese zodiac (called ddee in Korean).  The saju-teller was quite shocked with my four pillars as I am a triple monkey/rat.  Supposedly, it is rare to find people who are triple anything in their pillars (and as monkeys are independent, social, and strong willed, a triple monkey might be a bit much for most people).

 

So yes, my students took me to this café and I learned my destiny.  At the time, I had been on one mildly decent date with Mr. Lee, but neither one of us had contacted the other in two weeks.  It seemed like we were on the brink of never hearing from each other again. Therefore, when my students encouraged the saju-reader to comment on my love life, and she told me I could not marry a man born in 1974 or ’75 (Mr. Lee was born in 1973), my interest was a little piqued.  And when she told me that I had a one chance at that moment – and if I did not take it I would be single for another year – I admit that I actually started thinking that maybe I should get off my ass and get in touch with Mr. Lee – not because I would be single for another year, but because I got a little boost of confidence in being told he was a ‘chance.’  But then…then…as a 25 year old, when the fortune teller told me that I would be getting married at 31, I was horrified.  ‘WHY? I thought – if I ‘have a chance’ with this guy in Korea, would I wait until I am 31 to get married to him?’

 But you know what? I went home and I emailed Mr. Lee and we went out on a date that was absolutely incredible….I don’t think that my saju could tell me anything about my immediate future – at the very least it wasn’t telling me to go out and make this guy I had been on one date with my husband. But, I did feel emboldened by the exchange in that I went out and made my own destiny by doing something about the man who was already in my life.  My general approach to things in the fate department is that while we may be given the opportunity by some sort of destiny or master plan, nothing will happen unless we take the initiative to make it happen.

 As to the 31 thing…I am 29 right now, and will be 29 when I wed.  But in Korea, I am already 31. Hun? – you say…Just like in China, age is calculated from gestation, so you are already 1 year old when you are born.  In addition, the beginning of the New Year signifies a new age for everyone on the same day.  So, because my birthday is at the end of October, my Korean age appears to be 2 years older than my Canadian age.  That was a little yikes when I realized the probable background of that prediction.

 So, since my fortune pretty much turned out correct in this respect, does this mean that Mr. Lee and I are frequenters of fate prediction? no No NO.  From early on in our relationship – when we finally acknowledged it was a relationship – we decided that because we have just the slightest belief that saju and gunghap and all the rest might be true, we didn’t even want to go there.  If we were to get a glowing report, we might give up trying to work on our relationship because it was destined to be great.  And if we got a fearsome report, we might psyche ourselves out or fail to work on our relationship because it was not fated to be.  Therefore, even though I love all manner of determining destiny, and even though I have an academic interest in these rituals and beliefs, you will never find me stepping into a tent, café, or fortune telling house again…just in case.

On Finding Mr. Lee in Lost

I just finished watching the season primer of LOST. Sigh. Hearts.  I love this show!

 Apart from the storyline, the mysteries, the humour, the mind-fuckingness of it all, there is Jin. Dear Jin. 

 

Not only is Daniel Dae Kim, the actor who plays Kwon Jin Soo, desperately good looking, but he reminds me a wee bit of Mr. Lee. In part, it’s just the fact that he is Korean, and there are few Koreans on tv (Sandra Oh – from whom I took my faux Korean family name – is a great Korean-Canadian notable exception).  So perhaps I am apt to just identify any Korean man that appears in a (mostly) English show with Mr. Lee.  However, there are those cheekbones…those gorgeous cheekbones I fell in love with first before I fell in love with Mr. Lee himself.  Other people say they love their man’s eyes or hands…I love his cheekbones!

 

And even more than that is the fact that Jin’s personal journey rings familiar to me.  No, thank God Mr. Lee is not the son of a prostitute who became a secret thug for his father in law’s business, and no, Mr. Lee has never displayed the overt patriarchal neediness of Jin.  However, living in this land still seeped in Confucianism where reserved, strict, controlling, and quietly powerful men are valued, I have seen Mr. Lee’s progression from a man who keeps his thoughts, worries, and responsibilities to himself to a man who equally engages his partner in decision making, problems, and planning.  It’s been a delight to watch the on screen romance bloom between Sun and Jin and Jin’s new found love (not just duty) for his wife as I have experienced my own loving relationship develop. 

 

I don’t believe that we can only identify with ‘our own kind.’  Young women can look at male CEOs and find inspiration in them.  Young biracial children in Korea can look to the President and dream of one day serving their country in a similar manner.  If we could never identify with an-other, there would be little inspiration in this world. 

 

However, the lack of East Asians in the entertainment world – especially in television dramas and comedies – is an issue when it comes to identifying with stories and characters.  The same is true of any minority.  There are innumerable white actors or Canadian actors I love and identify with, but there is something special about seeing a love interest who more than a little resembles your man on your favourite tv show.  Korean references are not always entirely correct…and Kim’s Korean is far from perfect.  However, being in a very minority biracial/bicultural relationship and not being able to see many such couples in the media, there is great joy in following the Jin-Sun storyline.

On 4

I am the bride of 4 weddings. That’s right F-O-U-R.

People often want to have a heart attack…or a brain aneurism when they hear such a thing – especially those who have recently been through wedding planning hell. One is usually enough for one bride, and one is usually all one bride truly wants. If you have multiple weddings, how will you know when your anniversary is? How long you’ve been married? How in the world do you fund so many events?

So let me explain the reasoning for each. In Korea, the wedding ceremony is separate from the legal marriage; therefore, technically you always have to have two events.  This will probably be the first wedding – conducted ever so romantically via. cab rides back and forth between the local Korean administrative office and the Canadian embassy in Seoul. 

We could have just had a Korean wedding and loaded up my 80-something grandparents on a plane for a 14 hour flight (if lucky!), or we could have had just a Canadian wedding which would have sparked an outcry (and perhaps some interpersonal conflicts) at Mr. Lee’s work if his team, group, and division were not included in the festivities. So when presented with those fun scenarios, 3 weddings started sounding pretty good.

Then why a fourth? Le sigh. I’m Orthodox, and if I am not married in the Orthodox church, I lose my ‘good standing’ meaning I cannot receive communion or become a godparent. Mr. Lee’s family is Catholic and Buddhist while my family members are Lutheran, United, Catholic, and Muslim. In other words, nobody else in our families would feel connected to the church ceremony. As my mother, who has been to a few Orthodox Sunday morning services herself says, ‘I know everything you do must mean something…but it’s really foreign to me.’ On top of that, the churches I attended in Canada are in cities 4 and 8 hours away from my hometown, making it very difficult to incorporate an Orthodox service into our Canadian wedding.

So within this bizarre framework, the only rational choice was to have four different weddings, somewhere between May and August 2010.

It may seem strange that we are having so many events, but as family, friends, and work relationships are important to us, it only seems right that those diverse groups – stretching across innumerous racial, ethnic, religious, and linguistic boundaries, be present to witness and affirm our marriage as complicated as the process may be. In a way, the whole thing is like a metaphor for how to negotiate an interracial, intercultural, interlinguistic marriage with all the extra special issues which come with these kinds of marriages.

The great blessing with this situation is that there we don’t have to decide between a small or large wedding, traditional or. modern, Korean or Canadian, religious or secular..we can have them all!
A Korean friend who married a Canadian often jokes that in this age of divorce, she been married three times…to the same man….hopefully reducing any desire she has to marry again. May the same be true of us!

On Being Part of the Solution (Inspiration) – Part 1 of 4

Back in October, I watched a video a friend had posted on Facebook where Imam Khalid Latif, a relatively young Muslim chaplain for NYU and the NYPD, gave a talk to Muslim students at the University of Pennsylvania. He was speaking on the topic of domestic violence within the Muslim community. The point of this blog isn’t to discuss contemporary problems in Muslim communities, so I won’t directly discuss the issues he broaches in the speech, but I was struck with the way in which he dealt with a controversial topic. Instead of discussing whether or not domestic violence happens in the Muslim community, or whether or not certain practices are or are not justifiable in the Qur’an or Islamic tradition, his basic point was, Domestic violence happens in the Muslim community, and it is unacceptable and unjustifiable in Islam. Therefore, what are we going to do about it? (You can watch the lengthy speech and question period on his blog) I want to also note that I in no way attribute domestic violence to being a ‘Muslim’ problem. It is a HUGE problem in Canada, Korea, and the rest of the world, but that was the topic of Imam Latif’s speech.

So if this blog isn’t about Islam, why am I bringing up Imam Latif and his speech on domestic violence? Well, because as I’ve noted before, the longer I stay in Korea, and the more my life becomes embedded in this culture, the more I begin to question what my place is in shaping this country for the better. I am a Canadian, but Canada is not my place of residence. Many people argue that ‘foreigners’ are ‘guests’ here. We shouldn’t become involved in controversial issues or even acknowledge them. To do so is cultural imperialism or unwarranted criticism or just plain unwelcome. But what if you are not a tourist or a short term worker? What if you are slowly and painfully becoming part of the social fabric of this land and you worry about the issues your marriage, your career, your health, or your future biracial children will face under the enormous stress and social changes Korea is undergoing? And what if…you live in a Confucian country as a professor, where teachers are not only knowledge facilitators but also supposed to teach and engender ethical behaviour? What then?

So during the period when I watched Imam Latif’s speech, I was developing the final 30% group seminar project for my mandatory-to-graduate English presentation class. It was supposed to be an argumentative seminar, and like many teachers, I was planning on teaching it based on the very basic persuasive structure of modal verb + counterarguments + refutations because students need to live and breathe this kind of structure for the many English tests they take. But the thing that really struck me about Imam Latif’s talk was at the end when a student asked a question like, ‘We’re students – what are we supposed to do about domestic violence.’ The Imam answered that the students had just finished Ramadan where they had not eaten during the day for an entire month. As they were used to this kind of fasting, if they had no money and wanted to start a women’s shelter, they should fast 2 days a week, combine their saved lunch money, rent an apartment, fill the fridge with food, and open it to women in need.

That’s what my presentation assignments were missing…REAL TANGIBLE SIMPLE solutions to big problems. I’m honestly sick of ‘should abortion/capital punishment/divorce/euthanasia be allowed? topics. Or, ‘is domestic violence/suicide/the low birth rate/pollution/environmental destruction/loss of traditional culture/financial crisis a problem’? Yes Korea has a problem with suicide, abortion, divorce, pollution, depression, domestic violence, corruption, stress etc. There is no need to talk about the problem anymore. What is needed are solutions – not ‘the government should…’ solution, or ‘if women would just go back to their traditional role as wife or mother’ solution, or ‘if we could just recover the lost traditions of pre-Japanese occupation’ solutions…but REAL TANGIBLE SIMPLE solutions that my students can actually do as individuals, campus organizations, and future leaders. The problem of course, was how, from a pedagogical approach, to teach this kind of grass roots-solution-based-persuasive-seminar.

On Being Part of the Solution (Assignment) – Part 2 of 4

In my last entry, I noted my inspiration for a major assignment revision in my English presentation class last semester.  I explained that I was interested in finding a way to both teach persuasive seminars to my students while motivating them to become socially conscious and socially active citizens who engaged in the world around them instead of only concentrating on developing their career paths.

Just prior to watching the Imam Latif video, I had attended a workshop where a colleague did a presentation on Monroe’s Motivated Sequence which also focuses more on the solution than the problem.  I decided to integrate my own inspirations into a newly revamped persuasive group seminar.

The students were given a list of topics relevant to current issues in Korea; for example, abortion, divorce, the physically challenged, discrimination against non-ethnic Koreans, pedophiles, school bullies, and the homeless to name a few.  Then, they had to plan a presentation with 3 or 4 other students based on this structure.

Introduction – Students briefly introduce themselves, their topic, and their focus.

Problem – Students spend 10-15 minutes as a group explaining the particular part of the problem they wish to focus on.  They must use statistics, data, studies, examples from verifiable sources (must hand in said sources and a bibliography at the end of the seminar.)

Reading – The audience then individually reads an article about the topic provided by the seminar group.

Discussion – Each seminar member then leads a discussion with 3-5 of the audience members in small groups based on questions provided by the group.  Questions can be about the reading, related to student’s own experiences with the topic, or general discussion about the issue.

ie:  On the topic of the homeless

When you see homeless people on the street or in a subway station, what do you do?

Do you think it is okay for homeless people to be removed from subway stations by the police?  Why or why not?

If you saw a homeless person being assaulted, what would you do?

Solution Brainstorming – Each seminar member then leads a brainstorming solution with their small group of audience members.  The audience members must come up with real, tangible, solutions that they themselves can leave the classroom and do.  They must also create an action plan.  Students cannot say that the government or some other organization should become involved or give more money. 

 ie:  Solution 1:  Collect money to donate to a charity working with homeless people.

Action Plan: 

1) Ask businesses around campus to donate small prizes

2) Set up a table at the spring festival.  

3) Create simple games that students have to pay a small fee to participate  

4) Collect money and make a donation to a local charity

Solution Presentation:  Seminar group asks a representative from each small group to explain one of their solutions. Then the seminar group presents their ideas to the rest of the class.  Since they are the ‘experts’ on the topic and have had longer to develop their solutions, their action plan(s) must be very well developed with specific agencies/activities/websites/phone numbers etc.

On Being Part of the Solution (The Outcome) – Part 3 of 4

So in my second post on the topic, I tried to explain the different steps for my persuasive solution-based seminar assignment I created for my students last semester.  In this post, I would like to explore the results of those presentations and discuss the effectiveness of this kind of assignment.

At the beginning, many students were adverse to the assignment.  They did not want to debate in English, they feared a 60 minute presentation, they initially resisted publically acknowledging any sort of connection to controversial topics, and they believed that topics such as the low birth rate were far too large for them to tackle as individual young adults. 

However, after a great deal of coaching, a number of interesting solutions began to take shape.  A group of girls, who at first declared they had never heard of anyone having an abortion despite Korea’s astronomical amount of both reported and unreported procedures, came back to class one day discussing the issue of birth control.  They told me that they believed the number one problem with unmarried women having abortions is that they had no idea about birth control (Korean schools teach reproduction but nothing about contraceptives).  I asked them where they could find birth control around campus, and they admitted that they had no idea.  The next day they came back with a PowerPoint which included a map to the Student Centre, a phone number for said centre, and a list of services provided regarding sexual health and counselling.  Most of the students didn’t even know such a service existed.  Sometimes it’s really that simple.

In another class, a group focusing people with disabilities, found a website devoted to selling products made by locally developmentally and physically challenged people and explained how to order the products in order to support the livelihoods of people with disabilities.  Another group, noting the large group of Chinese students on campus who they never took class with because Korean and non-Korean students are often placed in separate classes, went out and did a survey asking Chinese students themselves what they wanted in order to reduce discrimination and facilitate more Korean-Chinese interaction.  The answer was disappointedly unattainable to them – the Chinese students simply wanted to take classes with Korean students.  My students felt they could not achieve this goal by themselves as it was a university administration issue.  However, they showed students how to lodge complaints and make course suggestions on the university website and proposed making Chinese-Korean study classes. 

Even a group of male students, working on the very-difficult-for-university-students-to-solve-topic of the low birth rate in Korea came up with a simple but attainable solution.  After much discussion, they surmised that a large reason for women not wanting to have babies in Korea is the lack of housework and childcare men perform.  Their solution, since they didn’t actually do housework, was to encourage males in the class to go home and actually DO housework, even a little bit for a change.  They explained that if unmarried men learned these skills now, they would be better prepared for married life and sharing household responsibilities in the future. 

Now, did any of the students actually go out and put into practice the solutions that either they or other students proposed? Not to my knowledge.  This is an area that I would like to develop in future semesters.  However, most of these students had never brainstormed solutions in their lives and had never seen how they themselves were related to the solution of the problems discussed over and over again in society.  In the case of my students who looked at the issue of connecting Chinese and Korean students, they actually made a tentative connection with Chinese students which would not have happened otherwise.  Not only that, but statistically, there might have been a pregnant student or a student experiencing domestic or dating violence in the class.  A student in class might have been contemplating suicide and found out the phone number of a counsellor in class or learned to read the signs of depression so that they could approach their friend and get them help.  This year I had a student who discussed his mental health issues with me, and I was amazed to see that the little time I took to listen to him and give him a bit of advice resulted in a massive boost of confidence and a whole new shining personality by the end of the semester.  You never know exactly what seeds will be planted or what difference a positive discussion on positive changes can make in an individual student’s life.

And there were also other positive outcomes.  Students who struggled to brainstorm, struggled to debate in English, struggled to make topics relevant to their lives suddenly began engaging in very high level discussions and debates after just two weeks of this project.  I also saw students who led small groups blossom and develop their leadership skills.  In the case of one of the abortion groups, the small group member asked the uncomfortable question ‘Do you know anyone who has had an abortion?’ (Later as a class we discussed how to make questions less invasive).  Immediately all four students replied ‘no!’  The small group leader then turned on her charges and said, ‘Yes you do! You do! Think harder! In my seminar group we all thought the same thing and then we thought a little harder and realized…oh yeah…we do know people.  Think back to your high school – your circle of friends at university.’  Five seconds later, all the small group members admitted that they did know people from high school – or even middle school – who had had an abortion.  Then the dam was broken and suddenly one of the best discussions on abortion that I have ever heard of in Korea happened in that group.

I too had a revelation.  I think that I have been looking outside of myself and my context to find a way to work for positive change in Korea, to be part of the solution just as I have done voluntary service in Canada to address issues I am interested in.  However, as a teacher I have a fabulous opportunity to create situations which foster solution-based discussions.  I have had teachers who push an agenda on their students, but my best teachers were the ones who fostered a safe environment and created engaging assignments to creatively delve into issues and work out ways to address them.  It is in the classroom where I can begin to address the social issues which break my heart.  It is in the classroom where I can give students the time and space they lack in other areas of their lives to make society relevant to them and to make their actions accountable to each other.  And it is in the classroom where I can begin preparing my students to take their English skills, their research skills, their argumentative skills, and their writing skills, and apply them to real problems.

On Being Part of the Solution (An Example) Part 4 of 4

For two hours I’ve been sitting on my couch writing about this assignment experiment I created and conducted with my students.  And all the while, my adorably mischievous kitten has been curdled up next to me snug in his blanket and content in his surroundings.  But his life has not always been this way, and now as we come to the end of my posts on my student’s persuasive seminar assignment, perhaps it is appropriate to share the mock seminar I did for my students as an example of what I wanted them to do. 

 And so we start with the problem:  the treatment of dogs and cats in Korea.  This seminar could be focused on Canada.  There is certainly a problem with animal abuse in my home country even among the people given the responsibility of caring for animals in need.  But I don’t live in Canada anymore, and I am not connected with any organizations there related to saving, sheltering, and finding homes for animals in need.

 The Problem:

 So I started by showing my students Thunder, the tiny kitten rescued around the time I adopted my own kitten.  Thunder was not only a homeless kitten separated from her mother, but she was also grossly abused by humans.  Her eye was gouged out, her tail was cut off, and one of her back and front paws were cut off.  I saw her with my own eyes struggling to survive her injuries and various maladies.

 

I showed my students two cats, rescued by Koreans from the meat market in Moran…

 

One Moran cat, who after a bath and some TLC became this gorgeous feline.

 

 I also showed them Tiffany, a dog subjected to hideous torture in the process of being beaten to death before she was able to escape. (Many people believe that unlike other animals, dogs must be tortured in order to have tastier meat – not to mention the purported properties of adrenalin filled dog meat on men’s sexual abilities). 

 

We also discussed how many people believe that it is okay to adopt a dog (or in a very small amount of cases, a cat), and then abandon it once it pees on the floor, or eats a lot of food, or needs medical attention.  Many pets are abandoned on the street or near construction sites for these and other reasons.

 

These problems are compounded in that, unlike Canada, there are very few public shelters for homeless animals or pets people can no longer keep for a variety of reasons.  The shelters which are available are usually kill-shelters which are only able to keep animals alive for a limited amount of time to make room for incoming animals.

 Brainstorming Solutions (Student Style)

 After a reading and small group discussions, students began to brainstorm ideas of how they could address the issue of homeless animals.  One student, who had a cat, said that her apartment complex had a homeless cat problem, and many older people wanted the cats removed or killed.  Instead, she proposed creating an educational flyer campaign to let residents know the problems faced by homeless animals and trying to rescue the cats herself before taking them to a no-kill facility.  Other students who were in film studies proposed making a short youtube documentary in conjunction with a website to be set up by students studying computers.

 After the students had their first crack at brainstorming, I gave some of my solutions.

 My Solutions

 The first was adoption and/or fostering.  My older cat was the very first cat rescued by what is now called Nabiya, a shelter for cats in Korea.  They have a cyworld page, but it is difficult to view outside of Korea, so I suggest accessing their Facebook page.  Nabiya is run by two Korean women and a small army of Korean and ex-pat volunteers who rescue cats, shelter them for as long as they need to stay, and find homes for them. 

My second cat, my now 7 month old kitten, was found by an elementary school student. Somehow separated from his mother and very sick, he was nursed back to health before being given to the shelter where he was adopted by … me!

 

Nabiya also sets up foster parents for kittens or special needs cats.  Many expats are only here for a year, or they cannot return to their home country with an animal unless the pet goes into a lengthy quarantine first.  Therefore, expats are the primary foster parents for these animals, providing short term comfort, a chance to learn how to socialize with a family, and/or special attention to needy cats.

 

Animal Rescue Korea is also a fabulous network of Koreans and expats who educate people in Korea about homeless animals and resources for people with pets while also setting up adoptions, fostering, fundraising activities, and volunteer opportunities for interested parties.  For example, one great webpage explains the exact location volunteers can meet every Saturday morning in order to travel together to the Ansan Shelter, a huge private shelter devoted to rescuing, rehabilitant, and finding homes for animals with an emphasis on dogs.  Since many expats living in Seoul are unfamiliar with traveling outside of the city and do not have access to a car, this is a very very simple way to give people an easy way to volunteer.

 

There is also a great page devoted to 13 Korean phrases expats can use to approach a person who has a dog which is always tied up and never allowed exercise (a common sight), and ask them if they can walk their dog.  Sometimes expats see a problem or a place they want to help out, but do not have the linguistic abilities to actually make their wishes or their solution known.  This is another extraordinarily simple and effective way for people concerned about chained and neglected animals to get involved in a positive an non confrontational way.  My coworker for instance, who has used a great deal of her own hard earned money and more time than I can imagine to rescue ???? an enormous amount of dogs during her 7 months here.  Her last rescue was a pug who was caged for the majority of the day.  She was obese from lack of exercise, and in the winter, her owner actually taped up the cage with electrical tape and plastic to ‘keep her warm’ but actually prevented the dog from seeing sunlight.  Using her Korean phrases, my colleague began walking the dog regularly until the owner realized that she cared for the dog much more than he did.  The pug has now been successfully adopted by a couple into a forever home.

 

Apart from these opportunities, I also explained to my students that they could donate things like used blankets to shelters during the winter season to keep cats and dogs warm.  Here is a blanket I donated as part of a Nabiya blanket and pillow drive.

 

At the time of the presentation, there was also a fundraising event offered online by a department store chain where individuals could log in and leave a message on the event homepage. For every 50 messages, the store donated a bag of food to a shelter.  Even if students were allergic to animals or could not have one at home, spending 2 minutes typing out a message and pressing the send button could actually feed a homeless dog.  So simple right?

 

In Conclusion

It was exciting to share my own interests in homeless animals with my students, but even more thrilling to see that, despite their varying opinions on pets, the dog meat industry, homeless animals, and their responsibility, my students had their first chance to really delve into a problem and the possible tangible solutions that go with it.  And now as I’ve finished writing this, I realize that this post itself is a solution.  That perhaps, just perhaps, an expat or a Korean with the slightest of interest in animal issues in Korea will stumble upon this page and learn how to get connected with organizations helping these animals.  It really really is that easy and that simple to make a difference.

On House Hunting Part 1 of ?

I’m back from one of the most loathsome activities known to me:  home hunting.  I despise moving – the searching, the haggling, the indecisions and bad decisions, the packing and unpacking, the getting to know a new space and a new neighbourhood.  It’s all horrible to me.  And yet, in the past 11 years I’ve managed to move 8 times (not including moves back to my parent’s house!)

And this time, searching for a new place to call home is even more complicated.  For over four years, I have been living by myself.  I chose my past accommodations based on the neighbourhood I thought I wanted to be in and based on the features I wanted in the house.  In one case, I did make a poor choice of apartment, but in my defence I had been in Korea all of 2 days with absolutely no foreknowledge of the state of housing here.  And in any case, the ill-chosen apartment was MY decision. 

Now, I suddenly have to make the first big compromise in our almost married life.  Not only do we have to agree about where to live and find a place in between our places of work, I am also entering a new kind of housing market that I have never been involved in before.

Until now, I have been involved in the ‘wolse’ system, meaning I put down a small amount of ‘key money’ the landlord holds as a deposit (say $5,000) while also paying monthly rent (say $600).  Under this system, after the year-long lease, I can opt to stay in my apartment until I give one month notice that I am leaving.  It’s a system that most landlords in expat-heavy areas prefer because the leasees themselves are more comfortable with this system as it is closer to most Western systems, and it is a good way to make a decent amount of money every month.

However, the wolse system is used infrequently by middle class Koreans themselves.  They prefer to use the chonse system wherein the leasee pays a large sum (say $100 000-$200 000) to the landlord who then invests the money to make a profit.  The leasee does not pay monthly rent, but they do not collect interest on their savings either.  At the end of the contract (usually 1-2 years), the landlord returns to the lump sum to the leasee.  Of course there are those who buy the few homes or more common  ‘luxury’ apartments in Seoul, but the middle class usually opts for the chonse system because they prefer to stay away from monthly rent and cannot not participate in the volatile and sky rocketing housing market.

(The ever opulant Lotte Castle Apartments)

Several of Mr. Lee’s newly married acquaintances have opted to try and buy an apartment instead of putting down chonse.  However, as mortgages are sparse and we have fewer financing options because I am not ethnically Korean, (not to mention fears of housing bubble bursts – again), we had decided to go with chonse.  I use past perfect here because we were quite sure about chonse until we learned of the housing reality in Seoul.

 Until the economic crisis, landlords were able to earn a lot of interest from the chonse, but these days more and more landlords are realizing that wolse is more profitable because it is not subject to market volatility and interest rates. 

 The biggest problem facing the Korean renter today is that the rental market is in a period of transition.  Landlords want monthly rent while renters loath paying every month because they are not used to the concept.  Mr. Lee is having this particular problem.  Until today, he was quite sure that our (in my opinion) decent sized chonse amount would be able to secure us a clean 2 bed room apartment in a building Koreans call ‘villas’ (‘apartment’ is a term reserved only for large apartment complexes).  For various personal reasons (not to mention the fact that I don’t really like characterless apartment complexes), we decided on trying to find a villa.

 

So Mr. Lee’s friend, a lovely man with a heart of gold who lives in the area of the city we are interested in living, took us out home hunting today after scouting the neighbourhood in advance.  It’s a pretty average middle class residential area north of the Han River (south of the Han, or ‘Gangnam,’ is considered the wealthy ‘upscale’ area of Seoul although that is not always the case).  We decided to look in this area because it is just a few bus stops away from my workplace and half the distance Mr. Lee currently travels to his office.

We saw two apartments with the first realtor – only 2 because none of the other 20 landlords they called accept chonse anymore.  The first place we saw was a tiny 2 room apartment with a ‘master’ bedroom just big enough for a double bed and a second room just large enough to hold a rack of clothes.  It lacked natural light, had a dingy windowless bathroom, and was made even more claustrophobic by the huge floral print somebody lacking decorating talent had chosen to wallpaper the walls.  (Imagine something like this is a small windowless room).

The second place, inhabited by a newly married couple themselves, was even tinier, dingier, and smelled like a wet dog.  Oh, and I forgot to mention it was on the fourth floor, accessible only by a precariously narrow set of steep stairs.

We were then told by the realtor that if we wanted anything nicer through chonse, we should expect to fork over closer to $200,000!!  All in all, the first realtor and set of places made Mr. Lee scratch his ear nervously and got him thinking a little bit about how we might have to change our plans.

After a long discussion with his friend, Mr. Lee agreed that we should at least look at the wolse possibilities or a combination wolse-chonse.  With this option we finally found a place that gives us hope in our house hunt.  It’s in a newish building on the fourth floor – but this time the complex has an elevator!  Although the bathroom is small and basic Asian style (no separation between the shower and rest of the bathroom – meaning your floor and toilet are perpetually wet), it has three reasonably sized rooms, a medium sized ‘living space,’ and large windows which will provide a lot of natural light and air flow.  I couldn’t take pictures of the actual bathroom, but this is similar to what we might be getting.  

 

We’re not sure if we are going to take it – both Mr. Lee and his friend remain unconvinced that the wolse-chonse route is the best way to go – and we want to see other options with other realtors.  We are planning on tramping around the neighbourhood again next weekend with a better understanding of the area and the options available.  However, after seeing the first few hovels, it is nice to learn that there is something out there somewhat in our price range.

On Cake Conflicts

I ordered my cake before I had a ring, a date, a venue, or a colour scheme.  That may seem strange, but going backward mostly worked for us.  And, picking a cake seemed a lot less scary than picking a venue.  I figured, ‘I bake cakes – they’re not that hard.  Wedding cakes shouldn’t be much different from regular cakes right?’

 I picked up a couple of back issues of wedding magazines at the local bookstores (since Korean weddings are more paired down 1 hour package deals, wedding magazines with a great diversity of styles are not really in here).  I also took a moment to look at a few websites before choosing my design.

 I quickly found the ever delightful Cake Wrecks and learned never to totally trust your baker knows what they are doing.

(Original Picture)

(Actual Wedding Cake)

And I learned that making a life sized version of me might not be the classiest option.

But I found a plethora of cakes on Martha’s site and others which were elegant, tasteful, and graceful in their simplicity.

A week after first considering these options, I had decided my cake would look something like a combination of these cakes:  a three tired cake emphasizing height with simple piped scrolls up the side in white.  I decided that the simpler the better.

But recently, I have come across a few debates about cakes I was utterly unaware of before putting down my down payment.  The biggest issue is fondant vs. butter cream icing.

In my naïveté, I had always thought that the reason why professional baker’s icing looked so much smoother and more uniform than my own icing activities was entirely based on the fact that they were just more skilled.  However, I’ve since discovered that this effect is produced by fondant – a primarily sugar/water mixture which is rolled out and placed around the cake.  This is all well and good, but it seems that people have very extreme reactions to fondant.  When I did a quick survey of friends, half (the sugar loving crowd) LOVED it while the other half loathed it and said it has a horrid taste.  That’s not the kind of reaction one is hoping for in their uber expensive wedding cake!

So just use butter cream icing right? Well – the biggest problem with this is melting capability.  Fondant not only creates a smoother effect, but it is also less likely to melt in the middle of August.  When you pay that much for the cake, and have the photographer sticking around to catch the great cake cutting moment, you don’t really want a landslide for a cake.  Butter cream is also hard to shape and create cool designs.

And then one extra problem….fondant often includes gelatine…and I’m a vegetarian..and many of my guests are either vegetarians or practicing Muslims.  I’m trying to make the wedding food as inclusive as possible (veggie everything except one entrée, requested the cake be made without lard or rum in the chocolate truffle layer, virgin cocktails etc). Also, even though I eat products with gelatine in them (because it’s hard to avoid…especially when I’m living in Korea), as this is probably the only time in my life I will be able to throw a swanky dinner and request with the authority of a bride every single thing that I want, I want a hide and cartilage-free cake! 

But….as a result of more research, I’ve learned that a vegetable gelatine is possible in fondant, and even if it absolutely cannot be done, fondant can be easily peeled off, leaving the rest of the unblemished cake behind for those who do not or cannot eat the fondant.

Whew! That was complicated.  I never expected there to be such controversies over cake…and I am starting to realize that accommodation can only go so far.  Because I am a vegetarian and am often a non-thought when other people are planning dinners and events, I am very sensitive about food inclusivity.  I also really want the meal to be a special time for everyone, so I want everyone to be able to enjoy it equally.  However, I also have to realize that while I can be mindful of my uncle’s poultry allergy, my sister’s aversion of most vegetables, the pregnant women who can’t eat soft cheese, and the diabetic family members’ sugar requirements, at some point I can’t please or accommodate everyone.

On the (Canadian) Wedding Invites

Invitations are one of those things I’ve been desperate to get to but terrified to choose.  The problem is there are just too many gorgeous designs out there, so the more you search the more your head becomes muddled with the plethora of swirls, ribbons, card stock, and font choices now available. 

 I knew from the beginning that I wanted something relatively simple yet elegant, in muted versions of our colour scheme (yet to be decided), and free of cutesy pictures of the two of us.  I don’t have a theme per se, but I’m in love with filigree and having a filigree wedding band made, so for some time I was searching for filigree inspired options like this from Etsy:

Or this in a different colour palate (available on Etsy)

Or even this from Wedding Paper Divas

I also learned very early in my search that it’s soooo important to buy the whole set. You don’t just need the invitation.  You also need matching paper for driving directions, and RSVPs, thank you cards, and writing paper all with matching motifs!  You are also supposed to get them in your colour scheme, and they have to match your wedding theme (that supposedly all brides have).

But early on in the search I also realized that I really wanted to get the invitations made in Korea.  I’m a control freak, and nothing is worse than spending hours agonizing over design, card stock, fonts, and wording, than to get 100 invitations which are either much cheaper looking than they appeared on the Internet, or have one tiny spelling mistake that requires two more trips across the Pacific to be rectified. 

Thankfully, Mr. Lee has a contact through his work who can get us wedding invitations written in English (he will also be orchestrating the printing of our 300 Korean invites.  But….I also had a horrified revelation that Koreans don’t DO RSVPs (yep, that’s right, we’re inviting 300 and hoping they show up!). Therefore, because the styles they have are the styles they have (cannot change the colour, style, placement, or wording of the external card, there is no way to get RSVPs made in a similar style.

So, Mr. Lee brought home the invite sample books today and there were some basic ‘Western’ designs available in white which will match whatever colour scheme we eventually choose (and would be easy to match card stock with in terms of getting RSVPs made).  However, although some were pretty, they were a bit bland (or included somewhat awkward wedding wording that cannot be changed such as ‘We cordially invite you to attend our function’).

There WERE however these amazing gems which totally changed my preconceived notions of the do’s and don’ts of invitations.  Since we are not fusing cultural elements together but rather two culturally specific ceremonies, I never expected to have Korean style invite, but look at how pretty they are!

At the moment, my favourite is this one because it is a very unique design which I think my family and friends will appreciate.

There is also this beautiful one.

Or these simpler but no less lovely designs.  I think these ones might actually work out well for the Korean wedding.

I’m breaking ‘the rules’ – which until I started researching I did not even know were rules.  The colour scheme will not be anything like whatever we finally choose for our wedding. There is nothing ‘filigree’ about these invites, and there won’t be any butterfly symbolism during the reception or ceremony.  And, since there is nothing remotely similar in the sample books that I can turn into RSVPs, we’re going to have to be creative in trying to figure out how and in which design to get them printed. 

However, despite these minor setbacks, I think that the Korean designs are a much better way to announce our wedding in a more unique way for our Canadian and American guests.